The Bar

I have decided to retake the bar.  I don’t know if I will actually get there, but I have taken solid steps in the direction of doing so.  In addition to reading the books I do have, I have gone ahead and spent $50 on a Property E&E.  (That is a study guide).  I am carrying around a book with me and actually reading it.

I don’t know what will happen if I do get a job.  I am far from working 8+ hours a day on my studies.  But I am working my way up to that; I’m hoping to soon figure out if I am up to the job or not.  Luckily I have time right now.  I don’t have to commit for a while.  I can’t even sign up to take the bar until October.

Am I scared?  Oh yeah.  It’s a lot of money and I nearly collapsed last time.

But right now?  I have the time.  If I do pass, that is a big demon slain.  A big one.  If I can pull this off, maybe I will even get my motorcycle endorsement.  But right now I have little to lose.  I might will be bored.  But I will learn something.  Worst case scenario, I get a job and can’t keep up.  Or I don’t get a job and I do take it again.  But I feel ready to commit right now in a way I haven’t since fall 2008.  Wish me luck.

Oracles

I am a junkie for fortunetelling devices.  I love them.  Now, I do have rules.  The most important of these is that there be no human intervention.  This is vital.  I love random chance.  Being manipulated, unintentionally or not, is a whole different story.

Am I aware this is pure superstition?  Of course.  But machines of random chance give me an artificial sense of control over a random universe.  Even as I know it is completely artificial, it gives me comfort.   People need belief emotionally.  This is how mine manifests.

I adore my Magic 8 ball.  I am dependent on it.  At the same time, I am also very aware that it is skewed towards towards yes.  This is a useful insight.  If I pay attention to how I structure the questions, I know what response I want.  I probably know this already, but I tend to think more about the details as I fine tune the questions while I am trying to get the answer I want.

Likewise, my I Ching set is great (mine is a deck of cards, even though classically it is coins or yarrow stalks).  The I Ching, like a tarot deck, says as much about me as it does about the universe.  The cards are so fuzzy, I can pounce upon whatever answer I want.  Do the cards tell me anything I don’t know?  Of course not.  Does it give me insight into my own thought process?  Very much so.  Plus, Dirk Gently had an I Ching calculator and Philip K. Dick used the I Ching in the classic Man in the High Castle.

Am I giving up my Magic 8 Ball, knowing as I do that it is ultimately meaningless?  I know it’s superstition.  You can only pry it out of my cold dead hands.