Not So Deep Thoughts

Part V: Just Like Starting Over

Dear Miley Cyrus

Posted by jkhutchins on June 15, 2010

I feel that someone should point out to you that you have been making a lot of bad decisions over the last few months.  I think you should start taking the longer view of your career.  I’m guessing you think you have; you are desperately trying to shed the wholesome Disney image and prove you are a woman now.

That is not what you are doing.

What you are doing is displaying yourself as a vapid, self-involved, desperate and trashy human being.  You had a huge head start, being groomed by Disney.  You had a huge head start, having family in the business.  Now you are trying to throw all that away.  Are you sure that your new audience will be as big as your old one?  There is much more competition in the adult market and parents won’t be buying their daughters your concert tickets and CDs.  Your new fanbase favors piracy.   You were printing money, but you wanted to be more authentic to yourself, apparently.  Pop tarts are a dime a dozen, and very few last long.  You appear to be trying to emulate Britney Spears.. look how that worked out for her.

Now, as to your wardrobe and image.  You are trying far too hard.  It shows.  You are begging for attention, and it just looks pathetic.  More juvenile than your prior image, to be honest.  Being that obvious just creates contempt, and undermines any serious, long term aspirations you might have.  Additionally, how much more extreme can you really go?  You went for the major shock so quick you didn’t leave yourself a lot of room for your next stunt.  Madonna got away with much of what you are trying to do because she was older and knew what she was doing, but also because she went to the trouble of building up her career first.  She didn’t bare it all up front.

Giving your manager a lap dance?  Please.  The main response that got was ICK.  You don’t need an older guy.  You are supposed to be young and hot and have your pick of the litter.  Sleazy older guys make you look cheap.  You need to show some self-respect for your image’s sake.

And kissing girls is so done.  The shock value is gone.  Once again, you are trying too hard and it shows.  Unless you want to start having sex with animals I’m not quite sure what you can do in that direction that Madonna hasn’t already taken the edge off of.  Naked and actually masturbating?  Maybe.  Although in most jurisdictions I suspect that would get you arrested, and absolutely would at an all-ages show.

One major thing you need to do is stop giving interviews.  You really need to stop giving interviews.  They make you look really, really bad.  Because you demonstrate no humility, your teenage preening makes you look incredibly shallow.  In a very unattractive way.  Britney Spears appears to have serious mental illness.  Lindsay Lohan has at best serious substance abuse problems.  You just appear to be a self-obsessed twit.  It’s not unheard of at your age, but I am appalled your handlers aren’t doing a better job of masking that.  I promise you, you aren’t deep.  Your thoughts are not more meaningful than us mere mortals.  And you aren’t going to get any sympathy once your audience dries up on you.  Real problems will get goodwill back.  Ego won’t.

The other thing.  I’m not sure it’s really a good idea to flip off the Mouse.  Disney can really hurt you if they decide to blackball you; they control a lot of the media.  That’s how you got so popular in the first place, remember?

I half hope you can get your act together.  Otherwise, start looking for a rich guy with a steady income for when your career dies.

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